Misogynoir and The Black Church

I was raised in the Black church. I go to a Black church now. My mom played the piano for our church growing up, so we went to church all week and all day on Sunday. A lot of who I am today is directly related to my experience in the black church. It is stitched into my DNA. I loved growing up in church. I loved the traditions of the black church. When I was kid we “played church” all the time. My friends and I would take turns at being the Usher or the woman catching the Holy Ghost. When I went to college, I went to the chapel across the street from campus and it was like I was in foreign country. It was an all-white church and we were in and out in 45 minutes. I was so used to the customs and traditions of a black church. Where was the choir? The clapping? The hooping? So much of the black church is rooted in tradition. An unspoken yet very traditional custom in the black church is that men could almost get away with anything and women could not. Women were often chastised for the same things that men need prayer for and I can’t stand that.

When I was growing up, a man from my church was accused of rape. He was very charismatic radio host. He and his family were long time members of the church and everyone loved him. The church held a prayer vigil for him shortly after these allegations. I didn’t know any better. I went right along with it. After all, it was an accusation, and our beloved brother wouldn’t do such a thing. As I got older, I continued to see things like this. One of the catalysts for me leaving my church was seeing the way the people in the church responded to a prominent male figure in the church getting a young woman in the church pregnant. I heard someone say that she trapped him and that the baby could potentially be someone else’s…. because she was sleeping around. First of all, this was a grown ass man who knew exactly how to prevent an unwanted pregnancy but somehow he didn’t have sense enough to protect himself from this “girl”? Secondly, how the hell did anyone know that she was sleeping around? Because he told them she was. That’s all it took. In an effort to save himself, this grown man who willingly had been “shooting up the club” for years, told people that this girl trapped him and that the baby could have been someone else’s. During my teenage years, a young lady had accused this same man of saying something inappropriate to her. One of the mothers in the church said, “now you know he didn’t say nothing like that to that girl!” That was it. Here was this poor man just simply trying to serve the Lord being accused of something so terrible by this girl who obviously wanted something from him. After the pregnancy incident, I reflected back on that incident from my teenage years and I realized that this man could literally get away with anything. It wasn’t just him though. It was just the way it was.

Over this past weekend, gospel singer Leandria Johnson went on a social media rant that laced with curse words about the church and Marvin Winans and Christianity in general. It was a mess but homegirl was speaking her truth. Saints everywhere were ready to cancel her, claiming that she affected her witness by cursing on social media. She even got nixed from an Essence Fest performance because of it. Now listen, I get it: when your platform is singing the Lord’s praises, it’s probably not the best idea to go on a profanity ridden social media tirade. Here is the issue I have with the church wanting to cancel Leandria… Well I actually have several, but here is the main one: MEN ARE NEVER treated this way when they mess up. EVER. Yes, the saints may talk BUT that’s all it is: TALK. Deitrick Haddon cheated on his wife and got his mistress pregnant and then shacked up with said mistress for a minute. This dude was able to parade his fornication on a reality show and still remained a minister in the church. James Fortune was arrested and charged with domestic violence for beating his wife and there was a restoration concert thrown in his honor. A RESTORATION CONCERT? He beat his wife but somehow he was celebrated. Tye Tribbet cheated on his wife and this brother is still BOOKED! HE. TURNED. IT.!!! I’m sure there’s a host of others but you get the point.

I'm not even saying that we should hold the sins of these men against them for eternity. I just want to point out the hypocrisy in what we teach and what we do. We are taught to forgive but that's not what we do to everyone. Men in the church are often given a pass and are afforded the opportunity “grow” and “heal” publicly. They get to share their testimony of how they were delivered and the church will rejoice. Women do not get the same luxury. They are shunned and dismissed! For people who are supposed to treat each other with love and forgiveness, Christians are so ready to cancel women in their own community and that speaks volumes to the misogynoir of the Black Community. If we’re going to cancel Leandria, we have to be ready to cancel every damn body! Yep, cussing Christian here and I said it.